Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Morning Sickness

Dry heaving. Gagging. Food aversions.

It hasn't even been three weeks, and I want to throw in the towel. The same things that convinced my heart to keep this baby are beginning to make me crazy. Yes, you read that right. Morning sickness symptoms changed my mind. Let me explain myself:

The morning after we made our big decision, I walked out into the kitchen, where I had left a plate with a blob of ketchup on it on the counter. (I like a lot of ketchup with my french fries. What can I say?) Nearly the second I walked into the kitchen and smelled that ketchup, I was bent over gagging and dry heaving. There was no question--even though there was no heartbeat yet, and all I had seen was just a tiny little sac--it already had a hold on me. It is hard to wrap your brain around the changes that take place in your body during pregnancy, even that early. I know the majority of it is caused by hormones, but it is so... crazy. I don't know how else to describe it.

I could say torture. I love food. I really do. I love trying different kinds, I love cooking (well, I did before I had my son), and I love experimenting with new recipes. But, now food just turns me off. I know I have at least 6 more weeks of eating bland carbs before I am back to somewhat normalcy. But dry heaving at the sight, smell, and just thought of certain foods and smells is so hard to get through. I know I am whining. I know many people go through worse. But I would like to get through one day without heaving in the kitchen.