Love

One of the (many) reasons I was so nervous to have another child was because I feared that I could never love another person as much as I love my son.



The love I have for him is shocking to me at times. It took a long while to really "fall" in love with him. I was not one of the people who could say, "I'm so in love!" an hour after he was born and truly mean it. Heck, I didn't even get to see or hold him until three hours after he was born, so how would I have known? In all honesty, it took a good two or three months until I could truthfully say I was head over heels, kill-for-him, in love. It feels so weird to say that. So many people say that they were truly in love at first sight. Sometimes I wonder if they are lying to make themselves feel better, or if I just missed out on the early bond and think that about them to make myself feel better.

I hope that I get to hold Baby #2 sooner after birth than I did with my son. I feel like that is one of the many reasons I had bonding issues and post partum depression issues. I won't get into the rest this time. ;)

It's been a while

I haven't updated in a while because things have been crazy. My son is super mobile, and is speed-crawling his way through our house. He is into everything he can get his little hands on, standing up the second he can grab something, and knocking things over left and right. I have been so tired trying to keep up with him!

In pregnancy news, I had an appointment on Thursday. It was my 10 week appointment and just a physical, like an annual exam. We went over all my blood work (which was excellent), and I am in good health. The doctor tried to hear the heartbeat with the doppler, but it was still way too early, so I got to have ANOTHER ultrasound! The peanut looked so much bigger. I finally got to bring home a picture to show my husband. He is definitely excited, and I am getting much more excited now. I just want the first trimester to be over! I am so tired of being nauseous, throwing up, and not having an appetite. Nothing sounds good to eat. Ever.

It seems like I find something new to be worried about everyday as well. I know I will schedule a c-section this time, but I am so worried that my body will decide it wants to go into labor this time. And of course, I won't be allowed to deliver vaginally. That would just set me up for more post partum depression issues, and I am trying to keep myself healthy and away from anything that might contribute, since I had such a rough go of it last time. I need to make sure to remember this so I can discuss it (when it becomes closer and more of an issue) with my doctor. I am just fearful for so many reason, and I know I shouldn't be.

I am trying to think positively, but I feel like I have so many things to be worried about!