Sunday, May 17, 2009


I feel guilty for so many things.

  • Taking a medication known to cause birth defects (which did cause one in my son)
  • Not feeling happy about this yet
  • Not having any inkling of "Oh! We should name it this!" when so many women who aren't even expecting have their future children named. This child will be nameless.
  • Women miscarry, go through fertilization treatments, and still aren't successful with those, everyday. Here I am getting pregnant through an almost failproof form of birth control. And I'm PISSED. Why can't I be thankful? Why can't I find the good in this situation?

I feel so guilty that I don't want this baby yet. When people say they want to get pregnant soon but can't or don't have the money, or whatever other reason... I almost jump at the chance to offer them the tiny being that I'm incubating in my uterus. What kind of mother does that? Especially when she already has one that she loves so much?

I feel guilty for having these feelings. What if something happens? What if there is a problem at my ultrasound on Thursday? Will it be my fault? Did I wish it on myself? How will I ever explain this to Baby #2? How will I get over this, move past it, and grow to love it?

I have so many questions and no one to answer them.


  1. I am also mom to a little boy (6 mos) , and plan on having no more chidren. If I were to get pregnant, I would feel the same way. I know it would take me longer than a few weeks to feel overjoyed. Give yourself time. It will turn around. You already love your baby enough to give him/her life. That love will continue to grow. Be patient. I'll be praying for you.

  2. You don't know me, I am holly423 on The Bump. I don't post a lot. I am 23 and my husband and I were only married a little over a year when we found out we were pg with our son. It was not planned. We wanted children, but we wanted to wait a few more years and get our debt paid down. It took me a while to be happy. I too felt so guilty that I wasn't excited like everyone around me was.

    I had a pretty easy pregnancy and not too bad of a delivery but I still would be so overwhelmed if I found out I was pg again. That is one of my fears. I don't think I ever got truly excited about being pg, I just kind of went with the flow. Of course now that he is here I love him so much and wouldn't change a thing.

    It is just so weird to read your post and it sounds just like me when I found out. I will keep you in my thoughts. I know I can't say anything to help other than it might be comforting to know others have felt the same way.

  3. Remember, you don't need to feel a certain way or want something just because others do. Yes, lots of women would love to be pregnant--but they are not at the same place in their life as you. You don't need to want to be pregnant just because they do. You've had a big shock and it will take time to adjust--there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. GL :)

  4. You don't have to explain ANYTHING to ANYONE hon. You are who you are - and your feelings, choices and life in general is no one else's business other than your own. You have the next 9 months to come to terms with this in your own time ... it makes me sad that you're putting such a huge guilt trip on yourself because you can't seem to conform to what other people want from you.


  5. There is no reason that you need to feel a certain way. You have been dealt a rather large blow and you did just about everything you could to prevent this from happening. I think the fact that you feel guilty means that you care more than you think you do.