Wednesday, May 13, 2009

How did this happen?

I know the saying is, "Every cloud has a silver lining," and that's what I originally wanted to name my blog. But that address was taken. And copper seemed more clever for my situation.

I had the copper IUD (Paragard), which has a 99.4% success rate. My husband and I were almost certain we were done having children after our first. We thought he was going to be our only, after such a difficult pregnancy, difficult delivery, and a very rough go with post-partum depression. Fast forward to May 1. I was about 5 days late for my period. It is usually like clockwork. 28 days. No more, no less. I was starting to get panicky. I took my son to Walgreen's with me and bought a pack of two digital pregnancy tests. There was no way I was going to mess around trying to read silly lines.

By the time I washed my hands, "Pregnant" popped up on that stupid little screen. I nearly hyperventilated. I called my OB in a panic. They put me in for the next day. I was yelling at him, "How did this happen?! Well. I know how it happened, but how?! I don't want anymore kids!" He assured me that I was taking the test early, asked what kind of test I took, and told me they would get me in to take a blood test. I called my husband while I was wailing. He told me to calm down as I told him the news.

No blood test. Just a pee test. It was positive (surprise). My IUD had moved and gotten stuck in my cervix. The midwife removed it. We did an ultrasound, and there was definitely a gestational sac. I told her I would rather die than have another baby. I told her I didn't want it. She gave me termination information. The next few days were spent agonizing over a decision. One day, we decided we were definitely terminating. The day I made my appointment, I heard the receptionist say the A word, and as soon as I hung up, I knew I couldn't do it.

By Thursday, I had an hour long appointment with my regular OB, and he assured me that all my medical problems would be more closely watched this time. I met with my neurologist later in the day, and I will be seeing him more often this time also. I cancelled my appointment with the clinic. This baby has a future. I don't want to play God. My son will have a sibling in December. And I just have to figure it all out.

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