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Thursday, July 30, 2009

News

My day got started with a call from my neurologist's office with bloodwork results. Usually those just get mailed to me, and we discuss them at my bi-monthly appointments. My medication level dropped, which means my daily dosage has to be increased.

I am only 18 weeks. I did not have to have anything increased until the late 2nd trimester/early 3rd trimester last pregnancy. Logically, I know this is for the better. I know that they are monitoring everything a lot closer. I know that my dosage was not increased until after I had a seizure with my last pregnancy, so I should be thankful this has been caught. But I still feel like this is early. There are so many "what if"s. What if it is going to be worse this time because it is so early? What if i have to take so much more of my medicine that it cancels out the amount of folic acid I'm taking? What if, what if, what if?

I'm trying so hard to focus on the logical advice given by my OB last year: the health of the mother comes first. Seizures cause me to lose oxygen, which cause baby to lose oxygen. The medication may cause a birth defect, but oxygen loss will cause trauma or death. You can fix a defective baby but you cannot fix a dead baby. That is near verbatim. Those words will forever stand out in my mind, and I am just trying to repeat them to myself when I am forcing myself to swallow 6 pills in the morning and 4 at night. This isn't permanent, and there is a prize in the end.

6 comments:

  1. Ugh... good luck bw. I'll be praying for you.

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  2. I'm sorry this is so hard on you. You're almost half way there.

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  3. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Just remember what you wrote today: "This isn't permanent, and there is a prize in the end."

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  4. You are doing great, as you said this is not permanent. Try to take care of yourself. Remember there are people out there that care, even ones you do not know.

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  5. Hang in there...Im thinking about you.

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  6. It is for the best. I hated to increase my seizure meds while I was preg but like you I told myself it was for the baby. I hate taking those f**king pills as is (and why I think I forget them). I am so sorry ... I know how much stress this can cause: on you, your marriage, etc. It will be ok.

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