Take care

Sometimes I feel like I need a caretaker for myself. I feel like I do a pretty good, if not great, job taking care of my son (who is 10.5 months now!), but so much of myself gets tossed by the wayside. I know that is what happens when you become a mother, but now that I am pregnant again, I should be taking much better care of myself than I am.

This pregnancy is going pretty similarly to my last one: lots of marital stress, lots of arguing, morning sickness, weight loss, worrying, etc. However, I cannot seem to eat. I don't find many things appetizing, I gag when I put food in my mouth, and I even have a strong anti-nausea prescription (which I did not have last time). I already weigh less than I have in years. Less than I got down to with my last pregnancy, probably what I weighed when I was a junior in high school, obsessed with exercising and counting calories. I swear I am not trying to do this.

Also, I have forgotten my anti-seizure and anti-depressants the past two days. Yes, I know what can happen if I forget. I just get too caught up in playing with my son or too caught up in thinking about everything else or wanting to sleep when he sleeps that I forget.

I want this pregnancy to go better. I want to be healthy. I want a healthy baby. More than anything. I just don't want to be sad anymore. I don't want to feel trapped.